Transcript
Hi, this is Jeremy Elliott with Positive Resonance. Today, I want to talk about raising vibrations versus the need to feel negative emotions. When we’re on the spiritual path, there is often an emphasis on continually raising our vibrations to get to new levels or for the law of attraction to work and bring us things that we want in our life. So how do we incorporate allowing ourselves to feel those negative emotions, and at what point is feeling negative emotions actually harmful versus helpful?
To give an example: when a person is grieving, there’s a lot of negative emotions coming through and if you’re the one who is grieving, you might think, “my vibrations are just plummeting. I’m going down in the wrong direction. But actually, this is not true. When those emotions are coming up, that is a clearing process and it’s actually going to help you raise your vibrations. It doesn’t actually lower them because the emotions are coming up in real time. As long as you’re allowing them to be felt, you’re in a healing process and this is actually good for you.
But the question remains: where does it cross the line? There is a line that can be crossed…in grieving as well as with any other emotions. If, for instance, in the future you’re carrying this attitude of “I don’t ever want to be hurt again” – even on a subconscious level – that is already unhealthy. So, I want to talk today about some ways to distinguish between when you are processing emotions in a healthy manner and when you are experiencing emotions in a way that is not healthy.
Being Vulnerable vs. Defense/Attack Mode
The first way to determine healthy negative emotions vs unhealthy negative emotions is to ask ourselves the question: Are we in defense/attack mode or are we allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable. In other words, are we saying, “hey, I feel angry right now. I feel sad right now.” Or are we saying, “You made me so angry! You made me so sad! Look what you made me do!”
One of those is simply allowing yourself to feel those emotions to come up and the other one is to go into defense or attack mode when you’re feeling the pain. This actually deflects that pain and you’re keeping it inside…you’re tensing up. So, there’s a big difference between those two.
Remaining Relaxed vs. Tensing Up
At the physical level, you keep emotions inside of you and don’t allow yourself to process them when you tense up your body and start to breathe very rapidly. So when you have these short, rapid breaths, you’re tensing up and this will actually physically keep those emotions inside. And this is part of that defensive response and attack response, which is the opposite of just allowing yourself to relax and breathe.
What you want to do is take deep breaths and let those emotions come up. Don’t try to figure out who hurt you or what happened. Simply feel in the moment, “Okay, this is what’s coming up. This is what’s happening.”
Being in the Present vs. Thinking About the Past or the Future
A third method for determining if we’re processing negative emotions in a healthy or an unhealthy manner is by determining whether what is causing emotional pain is something that’s in the present moment or something that we either dragged in from the past or are thinking about for the future. For example, the experience of “something just happened to me: I can’t believe it! I’m feeling a lot of anger right now.!” Versus, “This person has always been treating me so badly! This has been happening to me for so long now…” and you’re still carrying the pain with you. Or you may have fears about something happening to you: What if this happens? What if that happens?”
So anytime you’re bringing something from the past or thinking about future events versus just being in the present moment indicates that you are experiencing negative emotions due to unhealthy behavior.
Focusing on the Emotions vs. Turning a Painful Event into a Story
Another method that can help you determine whether those negative emotions are healthy or unhealthy is by asking yourself the question: “Have you turned an event into a story?” We have a tendency when to do that: when something happens to you, it hurts you. So by repeating the story over and over again you keep preventing yourself from actually feeling those emotions that hurt you in the first place. You’re keeping them inside you.
Instead, what you want to do is put that story down and really concentrate on the emotions themselves. What did that feel like for you? Allow that emotion to come up and let the story aspect of it go.
Tip: Avoid the Tendency to “Problem-Solve” Emotions
Often, it can be healing to talk about what occurred when processing these emotions and telling somebody about what you are experiencing in that moment. You can say: okay this is happening and I feel really bad because of these are the emotions I’m feeling.
Unfortunately, when we do this, anybody is listening (especially if they were involved) has a tendency to then go on the defensive and want to immediately solve the issue in some way or explain away your emotions. “Oh, you shouldn’t be feeling this way.” Or, oh don’t worry: we’ll fix this.” Sometimes, people will hijack the situation and make it about them: “I felt the same way when…” Still others will try to tell you everything will be all right.
However, none of this is helpful for a person who is processing negative emotions. All you need to do to solve the problem is to feel those emotions. In a sense, you are letting these emotions be heard. And when you try to problem solve, you are not actually paying attention to the emotions and allowing them to be heard.
So if the other person is goes into Mr. Fix It mode, you can say, “Listen, I don’t need the problem to be solved. I just need you to listen to me because that is all that is needed to solve the problem.
Conclusion
So those are some methods you can use to determine whether the emotions that you are feeling are being processed in a healthy manner or an unhealthy manner. Once again: when you process these motions and allow them to come up, you are clearing them out and no longer carrying them with you. Keeping emotions inside is what they call “emotional baggage.” When you carry those emotions and you don’t let them out, those emotions will eventually lead to physical disease. But if you do process those emotions and allow them to be released, then you are helping yourself to raise up those vibrations and you are continuing to progress on your spiritual journey.