In the past, society taught us to identify with the energies that corresponded with our genders. A boy was told to “be a man,” and a girl was scolded for doing things that were not “ladylike.” This resulted in men who are afraid of being in touch with their feelings, and women who were afraid to step into their personal power.
At the soul level, a person is neither masculine nor feminine. Instead, each individual has both masculine and feminine energies regardless of biological gender. In order for individuals to create healthy relationships (regardless of gender or sexual orientation), the balance of masculine and feminine energies inside each individual must be balanced.
It is not enough to have just the Divine Masculine or Divine Feminine. When only one of these energies are present in an individual, the energy becomes toxic and the person becomes unbalanced. As an analogy, consider the balance between night and day. Although the length of daytime vs nighttime shifts throughout the year, they are both present and balance each other. If either one were to “go missing,” the consequences would be catastrophic. Let’s first take a look at what happens when the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine energies are not balanced.
Toxic Masculine (Personal Power Without Heart)
A person who has shut down their Divine Feminine energy is afraid of connecting with their feelings, as this is believed to be a sign of vulnerability. Their mindset is that everything is about competition and power, and they have a difficult time working effectively as “team players.” Psychologically, they incapable of displaying vulnerability.
Because they are disconnected from their hearts and feelings, they are unable to empathize with others and cannot perceive situations from another person’s point of view. They have a difficult time establishing deep connections and intimate relationships with other people. They are in fact excessively independent and view any close relationship with suspicion and fear.
The toxic masculine uses mental logic to find solutions while rejecting intuition. Individuals with this imbalance will try to control people, situations, and life. They also become aggressive when they don’t get what they want.
On a societal level, an excess of masculine energy is a major cause of war, as well as the destruction of Mother Earth. That said, the toxic feminine energy is equally as dysfunctional, yet our current society does not recognize this fact. Without this recognition, it will be harder to heal this type of imbalance.
Toxic Feminine (Heart Without Personal Power)
People that don’t carry Divine Masculine energy have a lack of self-worth. As a result, they maintain unhealthy boundaries and “get lost” in relationships. In other words: their personal likes and beliefs depend on who they are with in a relationship.
The unbalanced feminine is codependent on their partner for self-worth, identity, and friends. They are terrified of losing their partners, and are often highly manipulative. For example, they create guilt using phrases such as: “Look at everything I do for you!”
The unbalanced feminine uses “giving to others” to prove self-worth. At the same time, such individuals do not feel worthy to receive while simultaneously thinking themselves as victims. When this giving is taken to an extreme, they have issues with burnout, which can lead to all sorts of health issues. In addition, they are psychologically unable to remove themselves from abusive relationships, as these relationships are used to validate their self-worth.
Both women and men with a toxic feminine imbalance rarely recognize the harm that they are causing. This is due to the fact that the victim of toxic feminine energy is the self. It is time that we recognize that the toxic feminine is self-abuse and emotionally damaging.
How Unbalanced Energies Use Sex
The toxic masculine is excessively independent due to a fear of relationships. This results in a lack of intimate contact, which is psychologically painful. The unbalanced masculine will therefore attempt to use sex as proxy for intimate relationships. Unfortunately, sex cannot relieve the pain of loneliness, nor can it compensate for a lack of intimacy.
The toxic feminine uses sex as a mechanism for giving. I.e., instead of connecting with one’s partner at an intimate level, these individuals are simply giving their physical bodies to their partners. This results in a lack of sexual satisfaction and a lack of intimacy during sexual contact.
For the record: if both partners had balanced energies, physical sex would create a soul connection that would be blissful and joyful. The joy is created by an intimate connection between two individuals that do not have subconscious agendas for having sex.
Balanced Energies
When the masculine and feminine energies are balanced, they create a synergetic relationship. Here are some characteristics of both energies when they are in healthy balance of one another:
Divine Masculine: Stands in one’s personal power, implements creative ideas, recognizes the unique aspects of self, recognizes the importance of caring for personal needs, establishes healthy boundaries.
Divine Feminine: Connected with “the Whole” (unity consciousness), compassionate, giving, intuitive, fully in touch with feelings, possesses healing capabilities.
People with balanced energies can stand up for themselves while also protecting the needs of others. They feel the interconnection of everyone and everything, but also recognize their own uniqueness, talents, and self-worth. Balanced individuals love themselves and therefore can love others in a healthy manner (because they don’t use others to compensate for a lack of self-worth or self-love). They are highly creative individuals who take joy in listening to and fulfilling the dreams and longings of their hearts.
Attraction and Sexuality
It could be tempting to suggest that the balance or imbalance of energies is the cause of sexual preference, but this would not be correct. For example, a homosexual male with toxic feminine energy will indeed be attracted to males with toxic masculine energy. But heterosexual males with toxic feminine energy will be attracted to females with toxic masculine energy.
When a person balances both energies, they don’t become less masculine or less feminine. Instead, their masculinity and femininity are both enhanced and they potentially become more attractive in general. When you see people that are balanced, they literally shine and radiate light out from their soul level.
While imbalanced people will find balanced people highly attractive, unbalanced people will only attract other unbalanced people. Meanwhile, balanced people will often find each other in ways that would seem highly unlikely to have happened by chance.
The Source of the Imbalance
The source of toxic masculinity and toxic femininity are both the result of past trauma that was experienced when the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine were expressed. The pain from this past trauma is still carried at the subconscious level, and there is a fear of repeating this painful experience. Ironically, the fear of the pain is just as traumatizing and more damaging than the original pain itself.
The Feminine Wound: In past lives / early childhood, the individual may have been rejected for being their true self, instead of what society wanted them to be. The wound may have been caused by some sort of sexual experience leading to trauma or humiliation (such as rape, or being exposed for “sinful” sexual activity).
Fear: The wounded feminine is afraid of being perceived as “ugly” and fears rejection of her true self.
Energetic analysis: The wounded feminine is afraid to step into her own power. The wound is located in the abdomen / solar plexus area: the wounded feminine does not energetically connect with this area. With the abdomen left energetically abandoned, the wounded feminine connects to higher chakras of the heart (compassion) and 3rd eye (intuition) but won’t connect to lower chakras (which are related to self-worth, security, and sexuality).
The Masculine Wound – In the past, the individual may have been humiliated for appearing weak, or not living up to the standards set by society regarding “being a man.” This humiliation results in great emotional pain, ostracism, and/or other personal loss.
Fear: The wounded masculine is afraid of appearing weak and vulnerable.
Energetic Analysis: The wounded masculine cannot or will not connect with the heart and feelings. This individual keeps their energy centered in the lower chakras (physical strength, pleasure, power) while ignoring the higher chakras (related to love, intuition, and connection with the spirit world).
How to Heal Imbalances
The healing journey is not a simple step-by-step process, nor can it take place according to the ego’s schedule. This process will take considerable time, commitment, and determination.
To heal the wounded feminine, the individual should work on the following:
- Recognize the characteristics of toxic femininity within their personality.
- Identify the fears that are preventing them from expressing the Divine Masculine.
- Restore a healthy energetic connection with the abdominal region of the body.
To heal the wounded masculine, the individual should work on the following:
- Recognize the characteristics of toxic masculinity within their personality.
- Identify the fears that are preventing them from expressing the Divine Feminine.
- Restore a healthy connection with the heart and feelings.
Conclusion
At the current moment, there is a lot of discussion about toxic masculinity and the negative effects that it is having on society. But if we are to truly heal toxic masculinity, we must not approach the subject as if we are on a witch hunt searching for perpetrators. The solution begins by recognizing that toxic masculinity is the result of an imbalance of Divine Masculine and Feminine energies.
It is also time to recognize that the lack of Divine Masculine is also toxic, and is the cause of self-abuse among many individuals, most of whom are women. In order for these individuals to become truly empowered, they must understand the psychological barriers that are in their way.
It is not enough, however, to understand the problem or point the finger elsewhere. Each one of us has an imbalance that is waiting to be healed. By healing the imbalance of Divine Masculine and Feminine energies at the individual level, we will solve the issue of toxic masculinity at the societal level.
Photo by Jben Beach Art