The Significance of the Inner Child

Summary of Contents

Intro to the Inner Child
Creation of the Inner Child: Trauma and Denial of Self
Inner Child Communication: Triggers
Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms (addiction, depression, and more)
Life Crises
Healing the Inner Child

Introduction

Mental health issues, physical illness, and unhealthy relationships are all related to a concept known in psychology as the “inner child.” In this article, I will explain what the inner child is from a spiritual perspective, and why it is so important for emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing.

Self-Awareness and Free Will

All physical creatures have a consciousness which is often referred to as the “soul.” For animals, there is only a group soul which results in unity consciousness. Animals do not have individual mental thoughts, but instead act based on instinct. Human beings, by contrast, also have a sense of self-awareness at the individual level (the ego). The soul of a human being is a combination of ego consciousness and group (unity) consciousness.

Due to free will, there is nothing to prevent the ego consciousness from splitting further. This internal split of the ego is not healthy for the soul. When the ego splits, a part of itself – the inner child – ends up in the subconscious.

The Male/Female Imbalance

Some spiritual teachings will suggest that the ego must be transcended, but this explanation is misleading. The ego is actually an essential part of the soul. In a healthy soul, the heart (group consciousness AKA female energy) makes decisions, and the ego (male energy) is needed to carry out those decisions.

If there is too much male energy (toxic masculine), the ego will end up making the decisions and they will be self-serving. If there is too much female energy (toxic feminine), then one of two things will happen. Either (1) there will be indecision or (2) any decisions that are made will be self-victimizing. Thus, a balance of ego (male energy) and group consciousness (female energy) is essential.

Features of the Inner Child

When a piece of the conscious mind splits off and becomes an inner child in the subconscious, there are two consequences. The first is that the conscious mind is left with an imbalance of male/female energy. The second is that the inner child possess unique gifts and creativity that are no longer accessible to the conscious mind. The second consequence makes it very difficult for the individual to be able to successfully pursue their goals and dreams.

Certain events can cause the creation of an inner child, and typically each person has multiple inner children. It is possible to see symbolic representations of these inner children via visualization techniques. Each inner child has its own appearance and personality. For the sake of this article, the term “inner child” will be used to refer to both (1) and individual’s group of inner children as a whole, and (2) a single inner child, depending on the context.

Each inner child is connected to a particular psychological wound. For example, if an inner child’s wound is related to self-esteem, this would result in a lack of self-worth in that individual. If the individual were to experience a future event that seemingly attack self-worth, this would hurt the existing inner child rather than create a new one.

Feelings vs. Emotions

The inner child communicates to the conscious mind via emotions. To better understand the significance of this statement, it is important to make a distinction between feelings and emotions. Feelings refer to any information that comes into the conscious mind via sensory perception. You can feel hot, cold, happy, sad, tired, etc. Emotions, on the other hand, are psychological feelings that have been judged as either good or bad.

Most people want to feel positive emotions and avoid negative emotions. Since the inner child is expressing pain via negative emotions and joy via positive emotions, it’s critical to discover what causes the inner child pain. It is important not to judge our feelings, because this is vital information from the inner child. Negative emotions indicate we have inner healing work to do, and positive emotions indicate moments when we are expressing our true selves.

Please note that an absence of emotions does not indicate that you have no inner child (or that is has already been healed). Instead, it is usually an indication that the individual’s emotions are being suppressed and they are suffering from depression. Feelings will always be part of the human experience, but individuals who are well-balanced won’t judge them.

Communicating with Symbols

Many people don’t understand the significance of dreams, and as a result don’t usually pay attention to them. Dreams are often a result of the inner child communicating with us in an attempt to give us some sort of information. It’s important to understand that the communication is symbolic and should not be taken literally.

It’s also helpful to recognize that using symbols is one of the most effective ways of communicating information to the inner child. One way to do this is via ceremony. For example, a good way to get the inner child “on board” with a marriage is to have a wedding ceremony. Additionally, the absence of a “coming of age” ceremony in western society is probably at least partly responsible for any lack of maturity and responsibility in today’s youth.

The Creation of the Inner Child

The inner child is created when a part of the ego feels rejected and splits off into the subconscious mind. This occurs due to (1) early childhood shock, (2) denial of self, or (3) a traumatic event. These events don’t always lead to the creation of an inner child however. In some cases, they will reopen the wound of an existing energy child instead. In general, if the event (1) happens in early childhood, (2) results in a loss of memory, or (3) results feeling different (such as a part of self is missing), then it’s highly likely that an inner child was created. But when there are intense emotions involved, it’s a sign that the event has reopened an existing wound.

Early Childhood Shock

To fully understand early childhood shock, it’s necessary to recall what life is like during the early years of development. A very young child is still in the process of learning the difference between “I” and “other.” At this stage in life, parents seem like gods, as a child is totally dependent on them for all needs. Additionally, small children are in the early stages of experiencing and understanding their feelings.

At this stage, it is very easy for a child to experience a shock event. From the perspective of an adult, most of these events would seem rather benign (which is why I’ve labeled this as “shock” instead of “trauma”) But to the child, the event would actually seem rather traumatic.

There are two main factors for an early childhood shock event:

The event is unexpected.
The ego can’t comprehend why it happened.

Examples of Shock

Let look at a classic example. Suppose a young child is playing outside and wanders into the road. The mother suddenly notices, and screams at the child to get out of the road. For the sake of this example, let’s assume the child is still too young to comprehend the danger of being in the road. As such, the child has no idea why its mother is yelling at it.

The child becomes startled, and the ego starts searching for answers. The ego will invariably look for an ego-centric answer to what is happening, as it is not mature enough to do otherwise. And the answer to explain “Why is Mommy yelling at me?” will be “Because I am bad.” This part that thinks it is bad will feel rejected, split off from the ego and hide in the subconscious.

In any early shock event, the ego’s understanding of why it happened will typically fall into one of two categories: (1) I am not loved and (2) I am not safe. If the ego doesn’t feel loved, it will weaken its connection to the heart, and there will be a loss of female energy into the subconscious. If the ego doesn’t feel safe, a connection with the stomach (the source of personal power) will weaken, and the inner child that is created will have male energy. A disconnection to the heart results in the inability to perceive feelings, and a disconnection from the stomach results in a loss of self-esteem.

Note that it’s possible for shocks to occur even while still in the mother’s womb. For example, if the mother is dealing with anxiety or stress while pregnant, these sharp emotions could shock the unborn child. Loud sudden noises might also be alarming. Any such events could give the unborn child the false belief that it is either not safe or not loved.

Denial of Self

People deny themselves by acting in ways that they feel they are expected to act, instead of just being themselves. In the early years of childhood, denial of self has traditionally been related to gender roles. And though we’ve made great progress over the past few decades in this category, there are many adults today who were pushed into accepting gender roles as children.

For males, it was about learning to “be a man.” Thus, a young boy who was seen crying would be humiliated for his “unmanliness.” This taught young males to be ashamed of their feelings, and as a result they lost their connection to them.

Young girls, on the other hand, were criticized for not being “ladylike.” This would often occur if the young woman “did not know her place,” or otherwise acted or dressed “inappropriately.” This resulted in woman who thought it wrong to stand up for themselves or think it was appropriate to voice their own opinions.

Nowadays, denial of self is usually related to identity, including one’s sexuality. As with gender roles, we have been making good progress in this area. However, there is still a lot of pressure by parents, friends, religion, and society for young people to conform to certain standards. This includes things like going to college, sexual orientation, choice of partner, and career choices.

Anytime a person denies their self by giving into external expectations, that part of self feels rejected. When a person is afraid to use their skills and talents because they are afraid of what others will think, this is a denial of self. All types of self-denial result in a splitting of consciousness, with the rejected part moving into the subconscious mind.

The Mask Self

An extreme form of self-denial is the mask self, which is a fake personality. People create fake personalities because they don’t believe that their true selves could ever be accepted or loved.

A common example of the mask self is a woman who is always smiling and cheerful, but who comes across as inauthentic. This woman always treats others kindly and will never refuse to help others when asked. She is afraid people won’t like her if she says no, so she says yes through gritted teeth and a smile. Meanwhile, her inner child is howling with anger for the woman to stop the self-abuse and self-denial.

The woman, of course, is ultimately afraid of rejection, although she likely doesn’t realize this consciously. This fear is a result of toxic female energy, which means she has a low sense of self-worth. Since she doesn’t think that her true self is capable of love, she creates a fake personality which she believes is worthy of love.

Traumatic Events

Events that are considered traumatic cause serious damage to either the male or female energy. Types of events that harm male energy (personal power) include physical abuse, sexual assault and rape, accidents leading to physical injury, and other attacks on one’s personal autonomy. Such events make a person feel unsafe and lead to toxic female energy, which includes a lack of personal power, personal safety, and self-worth.

Types of events that harm female energy (compassion and love) include betrayal, rejection by a lover, divorce, and loss of a loved one. These events make a person feel unloved, and lead to toxic male energy in the form of aggression, cruelty, and lack of compassion. Note that abandonment could potentially result in a person feeling unloved or unsafe.

The Inner Child Cycle

Each inner child in the subconscious is attached to a false belief related to the event that created it. These false beliefs include ideas such as “life is dangerous,” “I am not worthy,” “nobody loves me,” “I am a failure,” etc. The false beliefs become fears in the conscious mind, which results in the conscious mind being unable to make healthy decisions and life choices. What is even more frustrating is that these false beliefs cannot be eliminated directly. Instead, the corresponding inner child must be healed and reintegrated back into the conscious mind.

As long as the inner child is not being actively healed, an individual’s life roughly follows a typical pattern. In the first phase, the individual constantly experiences events that are emotionally upsetting. This leads to a fight against negative emotions (and the external events and people which supposedly cause these emotions). As this struggle continues of the course of months and years, the individual invariably use unhealthy patterns of behavior (coping mechanisms) to deal with the emotional pain.

If the individual becomes completely stuck in the unhealthy patterns due to the overwhelming fear of change, a life crisis often occurs. Though a crisis is extremely pain, emotionally speaking, it does provide an opportunity for the individual to release themselves from these negative patterns and bad habits.

Here is a quick overview of the “Inner Child Cycle,” which will be discussed in more detail below.

Phase 1: Reopening Wounds: Triggers (and Trauma):

Painful events that reopen the wounds of the inner child.

Phase 2: Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: Addiction, Depression, Health Issues (and Self-Denial):

Mental and physical health issues that are related to ignoring the inner child.

Phase 3: Life Crises: Divorce, Health Crises, Tragedy:

Events that force us to reevaluate life and give us space for necessary changes to occur.

Phase 1: Reopening Wounds

As discussed previously, painful and traumatic events in our lives can result in either the creation of the inner child or the reopening of existing wounds. But the reopening of inner wounds can also occur due to everyday events called “triggers.” While extremely traumatic events will often cause a person to freeze, triggers generally result in the “fight or flight” defense mechanism.

Understanding Triggers

When a potential trigger event occurs, it will only produce a negative emotion if the inner child has a wound related to the trigger. This logically means that it is not the external trigger that is the problem, but an internal issue. Let’s look at an example.

Imagine that a boss comes to the desk of an employee and shouts at them for being late to work. If this individual does not have an inner child wound related to aggressive behavior, then the employee might simply wonder if the boss is having a bad day. This doesn’t mean that there won’t be any feelings at all. But because the action does not produce a sharp emotional pain, the employee won’t feel attacked. Thus, the employee will not take the boss’s shouting personally.

Now imagine the same scenario with an inner child wound related to self-worth (toxic female energy). In this case, the inner child of the employee will send a “signal” in the form of fear. Due to the intensity of the negative emotional response, the employee will feel personally attacked. In this particular case, the lack of self-worth will cause the employee to believe that the attack was justifiable. This reasoning will be: “my boss shouted at me because I deserved it.”

Finally, let’s consider the scenario from the perspective of the toxic male energy. The inner child’s reaction to the boss’s shouting will be anger. Without female energy, the employee will reason that they were attacked because the boss is a jerk.

Examples of Triggers

Emotional responses to triggers are extremely frustrating to individuals who think that they should be able to “control themselves.” What they don’t realize is that the emotionally response is coming from a part of the mind that acts independently of the conscious mind. As a result, it is not possible to control our emotional responses.

Once we realize that triggers are communication from the inner child, we can use triggers to identify the source of the inner child’s pain. Note that triggers events can literally be anything, so it is necessary to look at the patterns in the triggers to identify the wound. Below are some examples.

False belief of the inner child: I am not worthy.
Possible result: The desire to caretake others to validate self-worth.
Triggers: children leaving clothes on the floor, a spouse who doesn’t make the bed, people who don’t say thank you (which is necessary for validation of self-worth).

False belief: Life is dangerous.
Possible Result: A “control freak.”
Triggers: Getting into traffic jams, getting cut off by someone while driving, not being allowed to make decisions.

False belief: Life is not fair.
Possible Result: A “warrior for justice.”
Triggers: Somebody who cheats, getting something stolen, injustice in general.

False belief: There’s not enough abundance for everyone.
Possible Result: A person who is always ungrateful.
Triggers: Utility bills and taxes, people who don’t offer to split a bill, people who are stingy, rich people in general.

False belief: Life isn’t safe
Possible result: A person who is paranoid about safety.
Triggers: News events that promote fear, a loved one that does something dangerous, a child who doesn’t “check in” to report they are safe.

Phase 2: Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

If we don’t respond to the inner child’s needs, the inner child will continue to “act like a child.” This results in the conscious mind using unhealthy and destructive coping methods to deal with the emotional pain. However, as we shall soon see, the result of using any of these coping techniques is often disastrous.

Compensation and Validation

The most commonly abused coping mechanisms are compensation and validation. That said, these are rarely the only coping mechanisms that a person will use. Compensation is a strategy used for toxic male energy, while validation is technique for toxic female energy. Keep in mind that toxic male and toxic female energies can be either biological gender.

The Toxic Male’s Solution: Compensation

Due to the toxic male’s disconnection from the heart, deep connections with self and others are not possible. This causes psychological pain, which the toxic male attempts to compensate for using external possessions and accomplishments. For compensation to work, the item in question must be “better” than that of their peers.

Thus, the toxic male is always in seek of the best-looking partner, the most money, the nicest house, and the fanciest car. It isn’t enough (for example) to have a nice car, or even a great car. Instead, it must be “the best” car.

Within the context of a relationship, compensation can lead to problems. Toxic males will often be comparing their partners with others and wondering if they can perhaps “do better.” They will also live vicariously through their children, especially when it comes to sports competitions. A toxic male will therefore be very upset when their children don’t win sports games or matches.

At the societal level, toxic masculine energy dominates most aspects of life. Children are encouraged to compete at school, compete at sports, and to “get ahead” in life. The toxic masculine encourages competition in all industries, which results in the destruction of nature, the waste of resources, and the creation of conflicts of interest (which place profits above all else).

For example, the health industry’s top priority is to increase profits. As a result, curing people is a conflict of interest. The industry therefore only treats superficial symptoms while ignoring the root problems. They sell synthetic drugs (which have many harmful side effects) while ignoring natural remedies and cures (which are cheaper and have no side effects). And finally, medical doctors utilize costly medical procedures that only temporarily reduce symptoms while actually worsening overall health. All of this occurs due to the prominence of toxic masculinity, which is controlling our society.

Note that toxic masculinity at the societal level cannot be changed directly. This imbalance is a direct result of the imbalance of all individuals within the society. To solve our societal imbalances, we must each work on balancing and healing ourselves.

The Toxic Female’s Solution: Validation

The toxic female (which, once again, can also be any biological gender) has a lack of self-worth. The way the toxic female compensates for this lack is via validation. Unlike the compensation described above, validation doesn’t have anything to do with competition. Instead, validation is about proving – in some way or another – that the toxic female is either loved or worthy of being loved.

One common validation tactic is caretaking. The toxic female will “take care of others,” even when the help is unwanted. The (unhealthy) thought process is “If somebody needs me, it means I am important and therefore worthy of love.” Meanwhile, the caretaker completing ignores their own needs. This form of self-abuse is exhausting and will eventually lead to burnout.

A relationship itself is another form of validation. By simply being in a relationship, the toxic female can “prove” that they are loved. But when a relationship is the basis for proving self-worth, it will be emotionally devasting when it ends. This is the main reason why it is so hard, emotionally speaking, for some people to leave abusive relationships.

Demanding False Needs to be Met

One of the more common types of validations is to demand that a partner “take care of their needs.” But unlike healthy needs, these false needs are simply a list of actions that the person equates with being loved. Examples of false needs include more physical contact, more compliments, more shows of public affection, and more superficial communication.

The toxic female uses manipulation to acquire these false needs by claiming: “If you loved me, you would do _____.” The irony is that love for someone is not required to carry out any of the false needs in question and therefore does not prove anything. Physical contact, complements, and communication can all be provided by a partner that does not genuinely love the toxic female.

False needs, unfortunately, become an addiction for the toxic female. Whenever these false needs are met, the toxic female feels validated and receives a temporary high. But when these false needs are not met, the toxic female becomes angry, irritated, anxious, worried, and clingy.

Using a Partner for Completion

The presence of an inner child leads to an imbalance in the ego, as part of the self is now missing. When people – who are missing certain characteristics in themselves – see the qualities in each other, there is an attraction between the two individuals. For example, a woman with low self-confidence will initially find a man with toxic male energy to be exciting. At the same time, this man will find the toxic female personality to be “very sweet.”

It is this type of relationship that has led to the phrase “opposites attract.” The two partners have found what they are missing in each other, and they think that being together will make them feel whole again. However, a relationship between two such individuals is usually rife with conflicts. The toxic female will become codependent while the toxic male will be afraid of commitment. The relationship will thus be a struggle between one partner who always wants more out of the relationship, while the other one continually feels trapped by it.

Compulsive Behavior

Compulsive behaviors are any habit that a person wishes to stop, but consciously is unable to do so. Any compulsive behavior that is obviously destructive in some way is labelled an addiction. Unfortunately, this undermines the fact that all compulsive behavior is harmful, whether or not the resulting harm is obvious.

Compulsive behavior is used to ignore the pain of the inner child. This pain is a low, constant discomfort that is always in the background (as opposed to the sharp, emotional pain that is set off by triggers). As a result, most people aren’t even aware of the fact that the pain is there. They have experienced the pain for so long that they have gotten used to it.

Unfortunately, “getting used to the pain” means they use compulsive behavior to ignore it. And this often happens subconsciously. Many people aren’t even aware of their compulsive behaviors (at least not initially). These behaviors include watching TV, surfing the internet, constant snacking, online socializing (messaging/texting), online social media (Facebook, snapchat), sex, the use of alcohol and drugs, hoarding, cleaning, and shopping. Note that virtually any healthy activity can be used as a compulsive behavior.

The type of compulsive behavior a person has can give clues to the related wound of the inner child. For example, alcoholism is often an indication of a wound relating to physical violence. One possible scenario is that the addict suffered from child abuse or sexual abuse.

In this case, alcohol is a symbolic defense against the wound of being hurt physically. The logic used is that alcohol numbs the body and reduces the ability to feel pain, thus defending against abuse of the body. Another possible abuse of alcohol involves numbing the emotional pain caused by inflicting violence on others (such as physical abuse, assault, killing, etc.). This is why there is a tendency for war veterans to later become alcoholics.

Compulsive Behavior Examples

Below are some more examples of compulsive behaviors and what they might be related to.

Pornography addiction: This could indicate a lack of true intimacy (including inside of a relationship). The inner child wound relates to a lack of feeling loved. Since more toxic males are biologically male as opposed to female, this could explain why more men are addicted to pornography than women.

Masturbation: An addiction to masturbation could indicate an inability to take pleasure in life, which is related to depression. This can also be an indication of sexual assault, which results in a difficulty for people to feel sexual pleasure when they are with a partner.

Eating disorders (weight gain): This can indicate past trauma due to heartbreak. The weight gain is a symbolic defense against future relationships (the weight is a literal defense that pushes away potential partners). It can also indicate being involved in a traumatic physical accident, such as a car crash. The weight, in this case, is for physical protection of the body.

Social Media: This addiction is related to validation (i.e., needing to have other people like their posts to validate self-worth.)

Sex addiction: A sex addiction could also be related to lack of self-worth. In this case, sex is used by an individual to validate that they are worthy of being loved.

Watching TV: Superficially, this is an indication of being overwhelmed or stressed. On a deeper level, it could indicate a sadness or frustration from having given up on one’s life dreams (denial of self).

Suffering

Negative emotions are painful because they reopen preexisting wounds. However, the belief that you should not have to experience the pain is even more painful.

Most people are not taught about the inner child or how it is linked to emotions. Instead, our experiences during childhood cause us to mistakenly believe that expressing certain emotions is bad. As children, we often expressed our negative emotions in ways that were hurtful or harmful to others. But instead of being coached on how to express such emotions in a healthy manner, we were punished. We therefore came to the belief that negative emotions themselves must be bad.

Judging emotional pain leads to the concept of “suffering.” Emotions by themselves are painful, and pain (whether physical or emotional) is part of the human experience. Suffering, on the other hand, is optional. It is a direct result of judging emotions. We suffer when we either (1) believe we shouldn’t have to feel emotional pain, or (2) believe that feeling pain means we did something wrong.

Suppression of Emotions

Once we make a habit out of judging our emotions and suffering for them, we then try to do everything we can to stop ourselves from feeling them. And the way to suppress emotions is linked to breathing.

Emotions are vibrational in nature, which means they are normally constantly moving around. But the movement of our emotions is directly affected by the vibration of life-force energy in our bodies. When our life force energy is low, emotions cannot move freely.

Life force energy is very necessary for our health: it boosts our immune system, keeps our organs healthy, and makes us feel alive. The key to increasing life force energy is via deep breathing. By breathing in fully from our abdomens, life force energy flows into our bodies.

When we judge our negative emotions, we instinctively stop the flow of emotions via shallow breathing. This doesn’t the inner child from generating emotions, but it does make it harder to feel them. It also makes it impossible to release them, so the emotions get stuck in our energy fields. And if the emotions stay stuck for an extended period of time, it will lead to physical and mental health issues.

Physical Health Issues

Emotional pain (which is communication from the inner child) can often be pinpointed in a specific location of the body. For example, anxiety and stress are often located in the stomach. Other emotions can be felt throughout the entire body. (Even though there are similarities among people as to where they are felt, the location of an emotion in the body can vary from person to person.) Any time you have emotional pain, it can be insightful to take a moment and check where you feel it in your body.

The way that emotions are ignored is by tensing that area of the body were the emotions is located. Most people do this without even realizing it. Clenching our teeth, holding our breath, and balling our fists are ways that we hold onto emotions. And when this occurs, the emotion gets stuck in our energy field instead of being released.

In contrast, an emotion is released when we allow ourselves to fully feel it, and then let it go. By relaxing the body, we release the physical tension and allow ourselves to breath more fully. But even when we feel do feel an emotion intensely, we are often unable to release it. This is what happens, for example, when we “hold” a grudge and are unable to forgive someone.

The Cause of Physical Disease

When emotions get stuck in the energy field, it creates energetic blocks. These blocks are unhealthy, as they prevent areas of the body from receiving vital life-force energy. This will eventually result in disease at that area where the energy is being blocked.

Physical disease indicates a certain emotion has been ignored for too long, or a person has been in “denial of self” for too long. It’s a physical manifestation of the emotional pain that has resulted from ignoring your inner child and/or ignoring the “longings of the heart.” But disease can often be a blessing in disguise: some people are too scared to take necessary action until they become sick. Then they realize they must make themselves a priority, regardless of the consequences. An example is a workaholic whose heart attack convinces them that it is healthy and necessary to spend more time away from the office.

Note: not all disease is a consequence of what happens at the person level. Another cause is due to society or humanity being untrue to themselves at the larger group levels. There are, of course, many environmental and dietary causes of disease as well. But people who maintain healthy energy fields are potentially less affected by external factors.

Here are a couple of examples that show the relationship between the inner child and disease:

Heart disease: This issue is connected with toxic male energy (no heart connection). Success and career are often prioritized over relationships and family, resulting in a life without joy.

Cancer: This disease symbolizes that a specific issue is figuratively “eating away” at someone. If toxic female energy is involved, it could be related to a shameful secret, or resentment towards the self. If toxic male energy is involved, then it could be hate, resentment, or lack of forgiveness towards others.

The place where cancer presents itself in the body is also usually symbolic:

Breast cancer: The breast symbolizes nurture and mother. Breast cancer might indicate a bad relationship with one’s own mother or children, or shame due to a past abortion, the inability to conceive, or a miscarriage.
Brain cancer: The brain symbolizes thought. Brain cancer might indicate a conflict between what a person thinks is good for them and what other people think that person should do.

Illness is also related to inner child wounds, making it a contributing factor for why some people are more susceptible to illness that others. For example, flu is related to the false belief that life is not safe, and fear mongering can potentially cause an outbreak.

Depression

Similar to physical health issues, depression is not a coping mechanism in itself, but the result of the suppressing emotions (which is a coping mechanism). A person with depression has reduced their life-force energy to the point where negative emotions can no longer be felt at all. Unfortunately, this means that positive emotions can no longer be felt either. A person who has completely suppressed emotions and has no life-fore energy feels completely dead inside. And this state is known as depression.

The health industry has labels for depression that are a bit confusing. To keep things simple, I refer to this type of depression (in which a person feels lifeless) as Stage 1 depression. Stage 2 depression (in which deep emotional pain is involved) is described in the section about life crises.

Looking at the larger picture, depression is a result of being too scared to take healthy actions that will help heal the inner child. Below are some common scenarios can often lead to depression.

Being stuck in the hated job or career. The individual has a fear of chasing after a dream job or dream career.
Feeling trapped in a loveless relationship. There is both a fear of intimacy (which could take the relationship to a deeper level) and a fear of leaving the relationship.
Considering oneself a failure. The individual is too afraid to take chances that could lead to career/financial success.
Being lonely (which can also happen inside a loveless relationship). This could be due to fear of rejection or fear of the pain of another heartbreak.

Note that some people think that it is necessary – from a spiritual perspective – to “transcend their emotions.” As a result, they think blocking their emotions is progress. But in fact, it is just the opposite. When a person uses spirituality as an excuse to avoid their emotions, it is known as “spiritual bypass” and will lead to depression.

Alleviating Depression

One of the “natural” techniques for treating depression is via vigorous exercise. The reason for this because vigorous exercise forces a person to breath deeply. And this, of course, results in the inflow of vital life-force energy. Yoga and tai chi also help with energy flow by helping to open up energy blocks and encouraging deep breathing and relaxation.

Another practice worth mentioning is taking cold showers. Cold showers are a very good way of improving blood circulation, which will in turn help the flow of energy. It is very important, however, for your body to be fully relaxed while taking a cold shower for this to work properly.

It is also possible to encourage energy flow via deep breathing in meditation. You will generally be able to notice the energy movement; it will feel like a tingling sensation in the body. If you do not feel any tingling, then you probably should first work with the techniques listed above.

Phase 3 – Life Crises

Although emotionally devastating, life crises are often the only thing that motivates a person to give up their unhealthy coping mechanisms. The buildup to a crisis is years and years of suppressing emotions, which remain stuck within the individual. As long as the emotions can be ignored, the individual does not usually recognize a need to make any changes in their life. Examples of life crises include divorce, the loss of loved one, the loss of a job/career/status, the loss of wealth, and the loss of health (a health crisis).

When a crisis occurs, the individual is devastated and cannot contain the emotions any longer. As a result, all of the emotions – including those that were being suppressed – come flooding out as if a dam had burst. Up until the life crisis, the individual wrongly believed that the coping mechanisms were an effective way of dealing with emotional pain. But the crisis event allows the individual to realize that the pain was merely being ignored, and that the coping mechanisms were unhealthy.

Note: the health industry refers to this event as a “major depressive episode,” but I refer to it as Stage 2 depression.

The Dark Night of the Soul

The health industry does not have any comprehension of what a dark night of the soul event is about. As a result, a dark night of the soul is potentially diagnosed as “major depression.” But unlike stage 2 depression, the purpose of a dark night of the soul is more about “self-purification” than it is about breaking down coping mechanisms.

Regardless, the symptoms are similar: a dark night of the soul opens up the conscious mind to the “darkness” hidden inside. This not only results in emotional pain, but confusion as to what is happening and why. Additionally, the dark night of the soul can be a slow process, taking weeks or even months to complete.

The Connection Between Depression and Suicide

Depression in general is closely linked with suicide. A person is suicidal in stage 1 depression because they are tired of feeling dead and want to feel alive again. In stage 2 depression, the emotional pain is so great that there is a desire to simply “end it all.” Potentially, a person experiencing a dark night of the soul could become suicidal as well.

Recommendations for Dealing with Life Crises

For stage 2 depression, it is very important not to judge yourself as bad because you are experiencing the pain. It is also very important to give up any resistance to pain and allow process to happen. This process is designed to break down old psychological defenses that are preventing you from moving forward in life. For a dark night of the soul, the process should be thought of as a type of a spiritual rebirth.

Completing the Cycle

Following the life crisis, a person will return to Phase 1 of the Inner Child Cycle. If healing work on the inner child has occurred by this time, the next Phase 1 might involve healing another inner child. There is also the possibility that healing the same inner child issue at a deeper level will be necessary. In general, inner child work will always be appropriate regardless of how much healing has already been accomplished.

Healing the Inner Child

The process of healing the inner child is often called “Inner Child Work.” I will give a brief overview here of a technique you can use.

The next time you are triggered and feel a negative emotion, practice the following steps:

Identify the emotion. You may wish to state the emotion out load. For example: “I’m feeling angry.” This lets the inner child know you are listening.
Give the emotion space (don’t judge or suppress it). Think or say “I fully allow this emotion to be present in my body. Welcome!” By accepting the emotion, we allow it the opportunity to pass through us and be released.
Visualize the inner child. Close your eyes and visualize an image of the inner child that brought you this emotion. Just use the first image that pops into your head: there is no right or wrong here. This step establishes contact.
Get to know your inner child. See if you can collect more information about the child. Does it have a name or nickname? How old is it? What is the child wearing? Where did you find the child? (In a room, out in nature?) This helps you establish a stronger connection with the inner child.
Send love. Open your heart and send the inner child love and compassion. Let it know how much you care about it. This is healing for your inner child.
Identify needs. Intuitively see if you can sense what this child needs. It may want you to be more playful and less serious. It may ask for you to take more time for yourself. Just notice what comes up for you. If you have experience with intuitive communication, you can ask the child directly why it left and what it needs from you.
Parting hug. When you are finished communicating, give the child a big energetic hug and let it know that it can return to you at any time. You may sense a desire to do so, but it may need more time to heal before making this decision.
Repeat as needed. Whenever the same emotion/trigger occurs, return to this inner child and continue the healing work.

Tips for success:

Have patience. Inner child work is a process that will often take time, but is very rewarding as well.
Be creative. You can imagine “giving” your inner child a toy or anything else that pops into your mind.
Believe in yourself. Regardless of who you are, you can heal your inner child. Your inner child is literally waiting for you.

Photo credit: Pixabay